It happens only on the rarest of occasions. But every so often, one of my subscribers or readers or just some random person emails me and is just plain mean. Really mean. I get all hot under the collar and want to fire off a nasty email. But I stop. I know how easy it is to push Send. And I know that those words could come back to haunt me.
So I wait. I dwell in the meanness. I feel badly all day and night. I’m better the next day, but I haven’t forgotten the mean person.
Today’s Art Marketing Action is “Forgive Yourself.” But it’s also important to forgive the mean people you come across. Coach Rachelle Disbennett-Lee and my yoga instructor taught me how to do this. Instead of sending an email I’ll later regret, I opt to send “love and light” to the person who wrote the email. I do a short meditation and imagine that they are receiving my good wishes. I may do this several times in a day before I’m over it. I realize this sounds a little hokey, but try it. I don’t know why or how, but it works. It really works!
Send love and light to someone you need to forgive.
Here’s a nice article from Yoga Journal about forgiving yourself when the person you wronged won’t forgive you.
9 thoughts on “Send love and light to someone you need to forgive”
This hasn’t happened to me via email, but in other forms, like in person or on the phone. By email you’ll probably never find this out, but in person I’ve usually found that the person who was mean either has a really raunchy life or some other bad stuff happening to them, and I end up just feeling sorry for them. So I try not to get too worked up when people are mean to me. They usually deserve my sympathy and pity more than my anger.
I experienced this recently. I totally screwed up and apologized but the person wasn’t having it. It’s hard to not beat ourselves when we mess up. Great article! I would also recommend Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.
Hi Alyson, Your newsletter and blog post were quite timely. While I haven’t had to deal with forgiving someone else recently, I do need to forgive myself for not doing it all. I nodded my head several times as I read through the list. And each time I quietly said to myself “I forgive you”. Thanks for the boost! Amy
Alyson, a fresh start post for the new zodiac Year: new moon, Aries. I forgive myself for everything on your list. I forgive myself for going underground for the winter, using situations in my life as an excuse for dropping my Art ball. And I forgive myself for beating myself up about that. Already I am back in the studio, ready to fire today. As a gear up in the studio, I’ll add art marketing and networking actions back, and become a better blogger again. Thanks for keeping on! Carla PS. I am sure I need to ask forgiveness somewhere, and forgive someone else, too. I’ll remember who this afternoon.
Alyson is right. We are going to experience some meanness in the art world. More than once. Right up there with a good eye for color and sensitive brush handling is the need to develop one’s talent for surviving mean people and disappointing setbacks. In fact such a talent may be more important.
I haven’t had to forgive others as much as I have myself. Just the other week I participated in a group exhibition with a bunch of wonderful artists. I assumed that the opening would be like many of the other shows I have done, full of artists and no patrons. Whoops! This show was full of buyers and collectors and the gallery owners were eager to introduce me to them. Well, I did not prepare well, and as a result had a very difficult time talking coherently about my art and technique. I was mad at myself for about a day, then replayed the whole thing over in my head, but this time I talked about my art in a very articulate and interesting way. Next time, I’ll be prepared!
after my photo appeared on the newsletter, my computer was down for two days while people visited my website…I didn’t mind because I thought it was a good thing to have visitors…on the third day I got a mean comment from a studio album link…that was it…just a heads up to the artists who visit to be nice…I’m still working on the forgiving part…
I’m sorry that happens. I imagine some people are really just angry at themselves. Perhaps when they read your advice they realize they will never try and the coward’s way to deal is to blow up at someone else. Whatever it was, thought I’d send some “positive vibes” (;)your way.
I think this has hit a lot of people. Including me. Sometimes you think you have forgiven but you really haven’t. Last night I was listening to a radio program and the woman said to write down all the things that you are angry about or that a person has done to you and after that, give it to God then take a match to it. Thank you Alyson for all the great posts you write. I look forward to each and every one.