Some artists need help with their statements more than other artists.
Deborah Paris recently contacted me about hers. Aside from the fact that it was conspicuously missing from her Web site, the statement was okay. It was probably doing a good job for her. I saw nothing there that needed major correcting.
But I did offer her some free advice to help tighten up her statement. You might benefit from what I said:
Deborah took my advice and posted the results on her blog. Be sure to read the comments while you're there.
It sound so simple, but most artists would rather get a root canal than look at their artist statement every day. You can't expect your statement to get better until you spend time on it.
For more help, see Action 4 in I'd Rather Be in the Studio.